I think that saying “good luck” to someone before they take on a big challenge isn’t quite right. While I like the sentiment, something that might stick a little more is “Never Quit” or “Never Give Up”. Saying that luck has anything to do with your success just doesn’t feel right. You mean I was lucky to pass that test? Hell no, I worked hard to pass it, I earned that grade!
Thoughts lead on to purposes; purposes go forth in action; actions form habits; habits decide character; and character fixes our destiny.
Tryon Edwards
I’ve been thinking about what “defines” who I am a lot lately. As hard as I work on the physical side of myself, the more I realize I have to work just as hard on the mental.
My Sensei recently said to me that the best students are often the ones that lack that special natural physical talent, they are usually those that have to work extra hard for their success. They earn it through hard work and dedication. They forge a mental attitude through practice that drives them to achieve their goals. If he had to choose a new student between one who has the raw natural physical talent and one who has to work and scrap for everything they get, then he’d choose the latter.
I agree with him 100%.
I’ve been coaching and teaching fitness for over 2 years now professionally. I can tell you without a doubt the biggest let down’s i’ve experienced are with those that have natural talent, things come easy to them and as a result they simply don’t work as hard as those that aren’t “born with it”. They almost always stop showing up or lose interest when things eventually (and they ALWAYS will) get challenging…
What is it that makes someone seek out a goal and stick with the work long enough to reach it? Hard work creates determination in a person. Deep in my heart I believe that hard work builds character and teaches you true respect and humility.
If your goals are too easily achieved and you reach them without much effort then there really is no lesson and you can start to take it all for granted. To achieve that feeling when conquering your goals after many failed attempts and long hours of work or practice is priceless.
I’m not saying you can be given those gifts from god, have that natural built in talent, and never achieve anything. I’m not looking down on those people either. Can you just imagine what happens when natural talent meets hard work and dedication? That is beauty right there folks. What i’m saying is that I haven’t truly seen it in person yet. How I long for that day — when it comes i’ll be ready as a coach though. 🙂
I’ll share a story of something I experienced with my own training:
A couple of years back I was working on running a 12k trail run (~7.5 miles) I put in some pretty hard work for over 3 months straight. I kept going out trying to tack on an extra mile each time I ran, just trying to muscle it out. My thinking was that if I just stuck on a mile every week or so, eventually i’d add on enough to reach the 7.5 miles.
Nope.
In fact my distances got worse and for some reason my endurance suffered from that approach… It was only after I tried something new that one of my mentors told me about; visualize that long run, focus on what I was going to do before I got to the trails, get myself into a positive mental state about the distance — only then was I able to pull off a fairly quick 6 miles. (the longest i’d ever gone before was 4 miles at that time, literally the week before.) I thought about running the distance for 2–3 days beforehand. I thought about what kind of pace I would set and how I would handle breathing during different parts of the trail, planning how I would recover my wind while still running. I got to the point where I actually could feel it in my mind.
Small victory? Maybe, but it felt HUGE that day. (Thank you for that lesson Coach Divine!)
The lesson I learned is that the physical part of training is only a portion of what you have to do to get ready for something that is beyond your current abilities. I’ve seen people who have let themselves down by quitting in the middle of trying. I’ll be honest, i’ve done it myself as well. It’s not as simple as “mind over matter” and you can’t will yourself to push through something the moment you need it for the first time. You have to develop “Grit.” You only seem to find Grit within hard-ass work and determination.
You have to have control over yourself both mentally and physically in equal portions. You have to be able to turn it on when you need it and to do that you have to practice it all the time. It doesn’t happen overnight either. Like anything that’s worth it, it takes some time. Just like you have to practice whatever else it is you’re trying to achieve; be it a race, a Karate rank test, a college degree or some other professional assignment.
Grit is what gives you the will to win.
To dig deeper in order to keep pushing when you feel like you’re going to die.
I think It’s why we all love the underdog so much, because they’re not supposed to win. They got there through long hours of hard work and practice.
If I do have control over the things that define who I am, I want it to be that i’m known as a person who never quits, who will never give up.
I will also start telling people; “Don’t Quit” instead of “Good Luck”.
All things being equal… I would rather have grit than luck any day.
There’s a secret to getting yourself to push through difficult situations and before you learn how, you’re going to need to know why.
“What have I gotten myself into?” I thought one day after a particularly lackluster day of training in preparation for my Blackbelt test. I mean, i’m doing all the things i’m supposed to be doing, I’m just not making any progress.
I felt like I was hitting a wall. I was pushing the overall volume of work to the limit. The test is 72 hours long, so I knew I would be facing really low points and times when I would need to push through when all I would want to do is quit and go home. I couldn’t seem to get my mind there. The turning-point for me was when I let myself down by “quitting” during a 12k race that I using as a “check-in” point to see how my training was progressing. I was starting to get really bummed out.
I needed to find my set-point…
I needed to revisit why I was doing all this…
MY WHY.
After that race I went back to the drawing board. I reset my training and got back to the basics. I also took one afternoon and wrote down “why” I was doing this. It was an exercise that I had read about a year earlier in the book The Way of the SEAL, by Mark Divine. It really helped me get things right in my mind. In it he asked me to sit quietly, practice my breathing, and think about the reasons why I was doing what I was doing. Then I was to write down a sort of “mission statement” about the reasons why I was doing what I was doing.
This was to become my “why”:
I will prove to my family that I will do what I say I will do. I will not give up and leave my training (& testing) partner on his own. I will NEVER quit. I will FINISH what I start.
My “why” was set. I worked to keep this at the forefront of my mind as I went through the next few months of training. It started off taking real effort to focus on it, but as time passed it got easier and I found myself going to it more and more often.
As I kept this “mantra” top-of-mind, things got easier. Well, not necessarily physically easier, but mentally for sure. I also felt as though I could call upon deep reserves of energy and strength when I needed it. I began to train with a smile on my face and started to find the good in what I was doing.
I was now suffering for a reason. 🙂
During the Blackbelt test there were some dark times for sure. One point I remember vividly; I couldn’t see any way that I could complete the task I was given and Sensei was saying that if it didn’t get done by the time he said, to leave the Dojo… Thoughts of quitting, of giving up, started to creep in, but I went to my “why” immediately and thoughts of finishing the task took over. I was going to get this done, no matter what, I was doing this for more than just me now.
I know for a fact that if I had not determined why I was doing what I was doing that I would not have made it through that test.
There were also times that I was filled with fear. Like that first moment when I stepped out on the Dojo floor in front of 25+ Blackbelts who were there to determine if I passed of failed my test. They all have to unanimously agree that I am worthy before I will be awarded Shodan.It wasn’t for myself alone that I took that first step on the mats.
It was to prove to my family that I will finish what I start and it was for my brother-in-arms who was also walking into this test with me.
My “why” was with me the entire time, I went to it regularly.I know for a fact that if I had not determined why I was doing what I was doing that I would not have made it through that test.
Having a strong set-point and reason for being there fueled me like I could never have imagined before.
Find your set point. Find your why. Lean on it in tough times.
brēT͟H/ verb To take air into the lungs and then expel it, especially as a regular physiological process. synonyms: inhale and exhale
Your breathing is one of the most important and integral parts to your survival. Yes, if you don’t or can’t continue to breathe you die, literally. But if you can’t regulate your air intake and control your breath then you will simply not perform at your best. It’s that simple.
Breathing can also regulate your stress levels, when it’s out of control you can literally panic or your stress and fear can put you in a downward spiral of failure BUT when you can control it you can do amazing things. Your mind can absolutely control your body and the breath is a pathway to that realization.
Warriors, like the Navy Seals, use a breathing technique called box-breathing to regulate their airflow and control their mind and body when they are called upon to perform.
This technique will help you cool down your body as well as find your mental-center.
Use the breath flow animation above from Quiet Kit when you need something to help you get going with Box Breathing.
Box Breathing How-to:
Inhale for 4 seconds (as the circle expands)
Hold your lungs full for 4 seconds (as the circle stays fully expanded)
Exhale for 4 seconds (as the circle shrinks)
Hold your lungs empty for 4 seconds (as the circle is contracted)
One of my mentors Mark Divine, creator of SealFit & former Navy Seal, teaches in-depth about the way we breathe and various breathing patterns you can use during a performance or generally to control your emotional state.
I can 100% attest to the validity of having “breath control.” I used it extensively before and during my Blackbelt test to calm myself down and find my mental-focus. Also during moments when I had to push through and get something done at a high level. It really does work and it has become an integral part of my personal arsenal as a martial artist.
I was talking with a friend the other day, I haven’t heard from him in quite some time. Turns out he’s been doing some coaching, working with Division 1A college athletes and one of his students was just in a big championship game.
He told me about something they work on before the season starts called “Positive Self-Talk”. They develop one or two statements that the athlete can say before and during training or during their performance. We all kind of do this, kind of like the little engine that could thing; “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!”
It’s tricky though, you need to be careful what you say to yourself. Avoid things like bad talk or negative reinforcement. Like “don’t screw this up” or “don’t fall down.” Keep it forward focused and centered around your performance. For example a runner might say; “Head down, knees up, kick hard, move fast” or something of the sort. Special Forces Operators have a saying “Slow is smooth, smooth is fast.” when they need to move quickly but be very accurate.
10 Minute Toughness by Jason Selk
In the book 10-Minute Toughness, by Jason Selk, there is a chapter on “mental clutter” that is all about how to eliminate this type of thought. The author calls it “Don’t Thinking”. Which is a series of thoughts that you continue to cycle through that focus on what you do not want to do, instead of what you should do like in the runner example.
How to fix this: Instead of thinking of what you don’t want to do, reframe your thoughts on a “performance statement” that gives you a key to being positive and focuses on improvement. The example the author gives is an NHL Hockey Player. Instead of thinking; “Don’t miss this shot, don’t hit the ice before the puck”, they would think “I am relaxed and smooth; my shot is on target and powerful.”
How to get there: As an exercise, imagine that you are about to step into the biggest situation of your life. Be it a football game, winning golf swing or even a big sales call. Think sixty seconds before you start that the world’s greatest coach or mentor is standing beside you and gives you some advice. They tell you that if you remain focused on one or two things you will be successful. Write down those one or two things. **Be as specific as you can, be totally honest with yourself and avoid using the word “don’t”.
Design your determination and regularly practice being positive.
I was at my second Spartan Sprint at Ft. Bragg in 2016. Just as the year prior, and at most Spartan races, the teams from Operation Enduring Warrior were there. I always see them and they inspire me at every event. It amazes me to see them struggling and fighting through one of these tough races and all the people helping them along the way setting an example for everyone to see about sacrifice and honor. Truly inspiring. However there is a moment that happened to me today that will forever change how I see things and it’s really timely for me personally too.
There is a specific obstacle that has a fairly high wall and on top of it sits an even higher set of what ultimately forms a huge ladder, maybe going about 20 to 25 feet up high. It has two sides forming an “A” frame deal. As I approached this obstacle with my two race teammates we ran past a decent sized crew of the OEW folks. As I jogged by I saw that the person in the center had no legs, he was walking upright but had prosthetics and crutches. He was also dressed out in battle dress, just not a ruck or gas mask like the others. I thought to myself, man, that’s awesome, but continued on. This was roughly 2 miles into the race and I was starting to feel some fatigue and race pain, not good…
As each of my teammates jumped up and got to going over the obstacle and just before I went up on it myself, this crew of OEW people came up behind me. They started to attack it by hoisting up the guy with no legs, just on my heels. As I went over the top and was coming down the other side I was just about face to face with this gentleman and I noticed as I was looking into his eyes that he was completely blind and ALSO missing a hand. His team was communicating with him loudly and clearly while moving rather quickly over the obstacle together. I jumped off and just watched them work it together and my teammates came back to me and stood beside me and we just watched them together. We watched as one of his crew ran around the obstacle and jumped up to help him over from our side, then I noticed that this man climbing up was missing a leg and had a prosthetic as well.
This is when my chest tightened up and tears rolled down my face…
What moved me so much today was that in that instance when I saw this man was blind it changed my notion of LIMITS. This man’s idea of what his personal limits are go far, far, far beyond what my view of my own personal limits are. Here is this man that was likely blown up in a combat situation, a few thousand miles form his home and family, now missing both his legs, his eyesight and his hand (and god knows what else…) and is out here pushing and bravely going through this challenging and scary course. I simply could not contain my emotions as all this hit me.
As my own definition of what LIMITS are to me changed right before my eyes…
What gives you that sense of determination in your life?
I just saw that comedian and actor Eddie Izzard has run 27 marathons in 27 days, actually doubling up on the last day because of a rest day he was forced to take half way through his 27 days. Something that may go unnoticed to most people just seeing this headline/story today is that in 2009 he completed 43 marathons in just 51 days…
This gets me pretty excited to see him do this, maybe it’s because i’m 41 and trying to reach some pretty lofty goals myself over this coming year. It fuels me in a huge way and if I wasn’t really a fan of his before I am now.
Mr. Izzard says he chose 27 in 27 days to bring light to Nelson Mandela’s time in prison in South Africa. Speaking of Mandela, I’m reminded of this poem by William Henley that he has historically been cited as using to keep himself and other inmates sane during his 27 year incarceration. Which mind you, his “imprisonment” was what we would call “solitary confinement” here in the US. It has been said that he was allowed 1 day and 1 letter a year for communication with the outside world.
Out of the night that covers me, Black as the pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears Looms but the Horror of the shade,And yet the menace of the years Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.
William Ernest Henley
I think of the unbelievable mental aspect to what Eddie Izzard has just accomplished. The mental strength you have to have in order to get through one marathon, much less 27 and to end with 2 in one day…
